fuckyeahbipolarowl:

Shit I feel like suicidal. 
Oh my god, it’s been years since I felt this way…
Anyway, it’s just an episode, it will pass.

i’d better go to bed now, ok?

Homing Puffin

l-v-t-g:

A year ago I suffered from self-harm addiction. Even less than a year. Thought that was the only thing making my life really insane, was sure that self-injury was a single problem (except bipolar which I had never treated like a problem at all). And now I don’t care a damn. I’m not afraid of summer anymore, I can lift my sweater up and pull my jeans down without being ashamed of my scars and wounds ‘cause there’re some things that make me literally die and feel really ashamed of. Living with an eating disorder has turned my life into a mess. Constantly declining health wasn’t caused by cutting, it’s all ‘thanks’ to bulimia. it’s all thanks to me. 

I can’t eat normally anymore. I mean, I can and I try to, but I’m always hungry and my brain is a perfect, constantly working without getting tired calorie-counting machine. Sometimes I cannot eat anything despite my body desperately wants to. But most of the time I spend fighting compulsives, failing, binge-eating, vomiting, and dying inside. 

My weight is unstable. My skin and hair got worse, and I  need to take electrolytic cocktails and vitamins. I often feel nauseous for no reason and like passing out, it all just turns black and my head starts going round. And my heart, my heart is sick now. 

I’m afraid I’ll die once for any of the two reasons: from gastric rupture or cardiorrhexis.

It’s just so sad.